Some Whys Behind the What

I went to a church gathering tonight. One that I knew I needed to go to, but wasn't sure why or what to expect. My friend Keith is part of it and I have not seen him in a long time. I didn't know if he would recognize me or if I would know anyone else. I get a little socially anxious at times and was feeling nervous, but I went anyway.

I pulled into the parking lot and there were not that many cars. I parked and approached the front door cautiously. As I opened it I saw Keith and just a handful of other people. I was not more than a  foot inside the door, when he looked up, smiled and said, "Darcy!" I breathed a sigh of relief knowing I was seen and known and the rest of the night was glorious.

That feeling of being seen and known it part of the reason for the Returning Dignity Project. PEOPLE FEEL INVISIBLE. And for many people their daily lives reinforce that feeling and make it not just a feeling but a truth in their life.

Everyone of us are broken. Everyone of us needs healing. However, we cannot embrace healing unless we embrace the brokenness. A very wise friend of mine has said, "You do not need to tell people they are broken or wrong. They already know." This is so full of truth I can barely stand it. I want us to be a community of people who engages with people in a way that does not tell them these things, but instead shows them their value and their worth. This is part of why I started the Returning Dignity Project.

We are all part of the human community and we all need to be more humane to each other. I don't care about your belief systems, I don't care about your lifestyle choices. I don't care about your gender or race. Healing and helping each other is above all of those things. We can be an amazing community working together to reach more and more people everyday.

I am so excited about the fact that I am seen and known, but I am more excited about the people we will touch.

Thank you for being a part of this!

PS-Thanks to Tye and Adam for very quotable things.

Cause I'm Leaving On a Jet Plane...and I'll be back on Monday

 I have a Benadryl hangover this morning. Boooooo. It's that time of year when my allergies kick up and my head feels like it's in a vice grip and I need to take meds to help it. The only issue it that I am so sensitive to allergy meds, that I can only take the drowsy making kind right before bed. I slept well but woke up this morning set on slow motion. Ugh.

Not only do I need to write this morning, but I also need to pack for a trip I am not leaving on until Friday night. I'm going to a family friend's wedding and I am traveling separate from my folks. They leave tomorrow early in the morning and I am having them take my luggage ahead of me so I don't have to check a bag on the plane.

Trips have always been a weird thing for me. Although I enjoy seeing new places and spending time with my friends and family, there is always this sense of my life being put on hold while I am gone. Like my life at home doesn't exist while I'm away. It's a very Schrodinger of me. But of course I know that my life is not on hold because I'm not on hold and so on and so on.

This area of thought has kept me from going on trips in the past because I was worried I'd miss something back home. The bigger issue there is that I am missing out on a new experience and a new part of my life.
I still struggle with that concept sometimes.

I have friend who has a constant "to do" list and it keeps him from really enjoying life. People used to ask him all the time to go places and do things with them. But many times he would come back with the "to do" list followed up by promises of "next time." And when "next time" came so do the "to do" list. Over the years, people have stopped asking him to do things and have almost given up on him. It's not that they don't love him, it's just that the other people want to go out and experience and live. He has made his choices and to quote another friend, "Sometimes the choices we make, make others for us."

I still try and engage my fore mentioned friend, but I know that for the most part I too will be beat out by the "to do" list. That makes me sad not only for our friendship, but for him.

What comforts and routine are we choosing over real experience and action? What places should we be going other than home and to bed?

I'll be back on Monday. My life will be different, not because I stayed home but because I went.

And now John Denver....

The Returning Dignity Project Challenge #3 and We Need a Logo

Word had been getting more out about The Returning Dignity Project. That gets me really more and more excited about the whole thing.

The whole idea of this project is to make everyday personal interactions more genuine..

I have been thinking about the old adage, "That was the straw that broke the camel's back." The idea that something so small is the thing that finally pushed an already exacerbated situiation over the limit.

I think many times we all say things or do things that are snarky or mean and don't think about the true consequences of those words or actions.

What if making a quip about someone's relationship was the final dig they "needed" to go and end that relationship? What if a sarcastic comment to someone only rooted them more in shame?

Do we want to be the straw that breaks anyone's back?

This is your challenge for the week...

When the temptation comes up to be harsh, sarcastic or dismissive; instead take a step back and work on saying something to build up that person or be supportive of them in a genuine way. This way we can help lessen each others load and make the day or even just the moment a little bit easier.

Onto to some business. The RDP needs a logo we can use in our Twitter feed @retrningdignity and to use for the project ingeneral. Any ideas? If you want to send me some, email me at lilheater@yahoo.com and we can go from there.

Happy Tuesday everone and I look forward to seeing how challenge #3 unfolds for everyone.

Nerdfighters and Geeks and Fan Girls, Oh My!

What does a girl do after a late Saturday night of celebrating St. George's Day with her friends and family? A night where  there were cries of "Absinthe!" heard from the kitchen. A night where people ended up sliding into the very unheated pool at midnight. (That's my mom holding a tasty English treat!)

Does she end up at a late night diner eating breakfast food at two in the morning? Does she sleep in and drag herself into a coffee shop wearing yesterdays clothes?

Nope.

This girl goes to the LA Times Festival of Books to join other Nerdfighters in watching John Green of the Vlogbrothers (http://www.youtube.com/user/vlogbrothers) speak on a panel about the new book he co-authored with David Levithan. ("Nick and Nora's Infinate Playlist" and "Boy Meets Boy"  It's called "Will Grayson, Will Grayson."

I love literary talk as much as the next writer and reader, but I really went to sit in a room full of Nerdfighters to have John Green ask us to be part of a Vlogbrothers video and to talk about the book and to stand in line after the talk and take pictures of him and David signing and to have him sign my book. And those things all happened.

I got more surprises yesterday. I really had no idea who else would be signing or appearing yesterday. Even though the LATFOB posted all the appearances, I was truly only there to see John Green. So as I was wandering around, I happened upon John Carter Cash reading his book, "Daddy Loves his Little Girl," to an audience of parents and children. Then after he finished, he sang "Will the Circle Be Unbroken?"


I couldn't believe it. There was the one and only offspring of Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash (He is indeed the only child they had together.) reading and singing one of his family songs as he called it.


So I jotted over to the tent where they were selling his book, bought it and got in line to have him sign it. We chatted for a moment and I got my picture with him.


Awesome.


The next surprise was that I happened upon Mark Todd and Esther Pearl Watson signing at the Giant Robot booth. They both do some of my favorite cartoons. I bought copies of their smaller books and they not only signed, but did small drawings for me as well. I was on the verge of exploding at this point.

It was just such a great day. I write all this not just to share with you but to encourage you as well. We all have things that we are nerdy and geeky about. Things that we cannot help but be excited about. One girl in particular reminded me of this yesterday.

When I was in line to get John and David to sign my book, I ran into this girl who recognized me from the panel when I had asked a question. She was probably about 16 years old and she was dressed like Spock, ears and all. She was so comfortable about her fandom. So comfortable about being herself. It was so great to see. I love the nerd and geek culture because of that.

I am a fan girl. I may contain it better than others at times, but I am a tride and true nerdy, geeky, fan girl. It's why I love conventions and concerts and anything where fans are involved. I love the places where you can let all your childlike excitement hang all over the place and drool all over the thing you love. I love people who are not afraid to share themselves and the things they love. It takes me back to being a little kid and trying to explain to my parents why the toy I wanted was so cool, why a show I was watching was so important.

We are told on a daily basis to stay cool. To keep it on the inside and to leave those types of things behind us. But we all have something we are nerdy about. We all have something we geek out about. Whether it is music or movies or comics or scooters or Star Trek. There is a nerdy, geek fan boy or girl that lives inside us all.

I wonder what would happen if we got more excited about things. I wonder what would happen if we could be more ourselves and let that type of excitement spill out into all aspects of our lives.

What are you the biggest fan of? What draws out your inner nerdy, geeky, fan boy or girl? Maybe it's not a thing or event. Maybe it's a person. Whatever it is, let the excitement runneth over!
 

I got one more surprise yesterday. I am also a big old coffee nerd. You got questions, I got answers. I'm drinking coffee right now as I write this. After the LATFOB, I picked up my friend Curby from the airport. He spent last week in Hawaii for work. He brought me a souvenir.  Well done Curby. Well done.

"Have we met?"....."Oh, we've met!"

Years ago Head and Shoulders dandruff shampoo used the slogan "You never get a second chance to make a first impression."

In some ways I agree. I mean people would definitely remember you if you were the person all covered in dandruff when they met you.

But numerous times, we encounter people who we have met before and the encounter for both parties was not memorable. I'm not saying that it was a bad first meeting, it was just not a meeting that set anything int stone for either party involved.

That leads me to believe that you do many times get a second chance to make a first impression.

So what then? If our idea of someone can be set in stone by our first encounter with them, (an awkward evening, a mean comment, a social blunder) are we doing them a disservice? Are we telling them and ourselves that there is no chance for growth in this person and that they are going to stay the way they are forever? We may be doing just that.

We are all going through change in our lives, some of it incredibly tough and transformative. When we encounter other people, we also encounter what they are going through. Sometimes those things line up nicely and other times they can rub up against each other the wrong way.

For example: if you a someone who is working to re-associate yourself into a group of friends after someone in that group has been particularly mean encounters someone new in that group who makes a mean comment, they may very well not want to associate with that person because they have labeled them as mean. Where the person who said the mean comment may have just been trying to be funny because they feel awkward about being new to the group.

Get it?

I think we need to approach each other with fresh eyes more than we do. We need to allow others to make a new first impression. How many times have you said something to the effect of: "I can't believe they still think I'm like that?!" Yet, how many times do we do the very same thing to other people. We assume that they are exactly the same as when we met them and give them no chance to be more of who they are. This can cause us to miss out on some really great relationships.

Who will you let make a second "first impression" on your life? Who do you want to make a second "first impression" on?

I hope you have fresh eyes today and see each other in a new light today. (Oh, and that none of you are covered in dandruff.)

The Truth Will Set You Free...Or Piss Off Your Friends.

Last night I was a messenger of truth to one of my friends. It started as one of those conversations that seems like it will be light and touch on a little depth, but then somehow ends up 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.

It was a conversation that left my friend reeling and me praying after we got off the phone. My friend needed time to go and process and I asked for coverage and protection in that time.

Sometimes I wish I was the messenger of candy and not a messenger of truth.

Messenger of candy would be so much more fun. I could call up all my friends and say, "Guess what? I have a lifetime supply of Twix for you!" I could show up at their door step and shower them with malted milk balls. I could sneak to their house at night and fill their car with gummy bears.

What an awesome job that would be.

Sadly, that's not my job. My job is to be a good friend. My job is to be intentional and to be committed to speaking truth even when it's not fun.

As a child, I came up against lies constantly in my own life. Not just those typical childhood ones about gift-giving mythical people and creatures, but really life-changing lies. Lies that caused me not to trust and not to engage with people in healthy ways. It has taken a lot of work to undo those things, but I have done and still do the work. That is why I always want to speak truth into the lives of those around me.

Truth is relative. So a truth for one person may not be truth for another. This makes it all the more tricky.

We all claim to want truth in our lives and to live honestly, but when it comes down to it, it is a really hard thing. Truth is hard to hear. It's hard to process. It's hard to apply even after we have heard and processed it. The changes that come from having lies stripped out of our lives can change our jobs, our friends and our families. Because even though we may now know greater truth in our lives, the people around us may not be ready for it either.

It's a lot.

A lot for us and the people around us. But if we commit to only speaking truth and not allowing destructive things to foster, the shifts around us will become easier. We will surround ourselves with people who also want truth and there is great freedom in that.

I truly pray for a day when all the people I know and love and even the people I don't know or love have a freedom to truly be who they are. The freedom to grow and change and to become the people they want to be.

I can try and be the messenger of candy all I want, but eventually my friends will all just get fat and mad at me. Because all I will have given them is sweet and empty things and not anything really good for them.

Who will you speak truth to today?

A Million Miles in A Thousand Years

Today I am offering up a book review for you.

I just finished Donald Miller's latest book "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" He is the author of other great books like "Blue Like Jazz" and "Searching for God Knows What. "

I really enjoyed this book. I enjoyed it mostly because I love Miller's style. It is easy and insightful without being preachy. For me, his books feel like a good conversation with a friend over coffee.

In "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" Miller uses the device of learning story structure to discuss the types of stories we are living in our everyday life.

Because Miller's style is so easy and comfortable, you don't feel like you are being pushed or driven to think about the ideas he purposes, you just do.

He writes with enough humor to make you laugh and enough truth to get inside. You won't feel like you just got done with a Tony Robbins book or anything, but the read will definitely take you
some places you didn't expect to go.