Bees, Benadryl, and Banding Together

*I know some of you were saying to yourself, "Why didn't you title it Bees, Benadryl, and Battlestar Galactica?"

Why? Because I know very little about Battlestar Galactica although there are plenty of people I could have asked. It's just not in my realm of nerd-dom. Trust me, plenty of other things are. But onto today's post.*

My mom keeps Benadryl all over their house. In both pill and liquid form. It's not because she has those kind of allergies that disrupt your everyday life and keep you from enjoying your kids soccer game or picking wildflowers in that wildflower field people in commercials seems to have behind their house.

She keeps the Benadryl around because she is INCREDIBLY allergic to bees. My mom is so allergic to bees when she goes out she has to keep an Epipen in her purse in case she gets stung. It will keep her from going into anaphylactic shock. That's how fast it can happen. I've watched her hands and arms blow up, and her body break out in hives and welts. I've sat in the ER while they give her steroids to stop the reactions. It's a scary thing, but she's always prepared. And of course bees LOVE her. She has been stung more times in the past few years that anyone I know.

All this makes me think about how prepared we are when we go out into the world.
How are we going to react when we get stung in our daily life. And it's not a matter of IF we get stung it's a matter of WHEN, because it happens all the time. It's why we need community and intentional relationships.

I know it's hard to tell someone how to react when they get hurt. For most of us, the reaction is what we consider "natural." Usually it comes in the form of whatever coping mechanism we have found for ourselves over our lifetime. One of my personal faves for a long time was retreating or hiding out.

I'm sure some of you are familiar with it. I'd get hurt, not tell anyone I was hurt and disappear until I felt like I was not hurt enough anymore to go back out and pretend like everything was ok. And when people would ask where I had been, I would tell them I had been busy. And that "worked" for a long time until I realized all the stingers were still under my skin and just callousing over.

I had an amazing community at my disposal but I was so afraid to tell anyone I was hurting, because I thought my problems are not as big or important as they needed to be. (I had some work to do.) It took me watching another very close friend retreat and hide in the very same way to realize what I had been doing. So I started telling people not just the good things but the hard and hurtful things too. That was probably one of the hardest things I ever did in my life, but it has been one of the most beneficial.

That is part of what being in community and intentional relationships is about. If my mom didn't tell me when she had been stung by a bee and assumed it would all just get better, she would die.
That is how we are if we try and go it alone. We will die emotionally, spiritually, and relationally.
And in order to be intentional, we have to risk ourselves a bit and reach out to each other. We have to go outside our comfort zone. I know it's hard and REALLY uncomfortable, but it's how we can keep healthy and keep ourselves in check. Because the more time we spend in our own heads, the louder those negative and dark voices (the ones we all hear) become.

Back in February, a friend of mine took his own life. At first it seemed very surprising to myself and a lot of people. But in the aftermath, the truth came out. And for him, the truth was that he had always purposely distanced himself from people. He let folks in only so much and only shared with them what he wanted. He was a very sad guy. That distance and loneliness allowed those dark and negative voices to drown out the people who truly loved him. It took over hope and replaced it with a dark answer.

I am still grieving that loss and the thing that really hits me sometimes, the thing that can bring me to tears is the loss of hope. The fact that he had pulled away so much that in his mind, nothing could be better or good again. The world had stung him so much and eventually he just gave into the venom.

That is why we need each other like my mom needs Beandryl, to stave off the venom. We need to remind each other that there is hope and it's okay to grieve and hurt, because better things will come out of it and we can be healed. We need love and hope to be louder than the darkness.

I know making that first step can be hard. It was for me. But I am so grateful and thankful for my friends who take not just happy calls and visits, but the sad and angry ones too. I know they are grateful for me in the same way. We have to reach out, we have to be intentional. We have to discern the good voices and influences from the bad. Sometimes that can even mean letting go of old relationships in favor of new ones. Ones that encourage us in the right way, not towards darkness.

So I will end on this quote, "Dum spiro, spero. " In Latin it means, "While I breath, I hope."
I want that for all of you as much as I want it for myself.