As many of you know I work in the jewelery industry. So as expected, I work with a lot of couples. All forms of them, dating engaged and married.
There is something that I have noticed lately and the trend is saddening to me. I listen to people everyday strip away honor from each other in the way they talk both to each other and about each other when the other is not around. They complain about their marriage and/or relationship as if that's just what people do.
Granted, I am not in these relationships and we all need to vent sometimes, but I wonder how much better their relationships would be and could be if they worked on building each other up instead of tearing each other down. It seems like people look at marriage and relationships as things you should complain about. That the situation these people are in was not a place they went willingly.
Men, how would you feel if your wife was complaining about you all the time and talking about how much of a drag it was to be married to you?
Women, how would your husband feel if he heard you talk about him as if he was just an item you checked off your life list.
It may be said in a joking manner, but it still does it's damage. Ladies, how about complimenting your husband and honoring the things in him that make him a great man to the people you are talking to.
Men, how about talking about how beautiful your wife is or what an amazing mother she is to your children instead of referring to her as the old ball and chain.
The same goes even if you are not married and only dating.
When we speak things out loud, we reinforce things and build new "truths" in our lives. So if you want to feel bad about your relationship, keep finding all the bad in it and telling it to each other and to people you know. (Or even people you don't know)
Try next time, building your partner up, and reinforce the things you love in them and more importantly the things you like in them. Because the more you disrespect them, the more you will solidify disrespect in your relationship.
I believe in healthy relationships and I believe in marriage. I believe that it can all be amazing, but you need to take responsibility for your part in making it amazing.
Be honoring in your actions and in your words. It will change things.
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Beautifully said, Darcy! When you prioritize your marriage/relationship first, and put all other things second, your relationship takes on a whole new dimension (hint: it gets good!). It's not easy by any means, and it takes constant work, but eliminating demeaning verbage is certainly the first crucial step.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree.
ReplyDeleteThis is a comment my friend Michael tried to leave on so I am posting it here for him.
ReplyDeleteI once met an 80 yr old gentleman who had at that point a very successful 30 yr marriage. When I asked him how he was so successful in his marriage, he responded, "I have two offerings of advice. Praise don't pick. It's too easy to point out the things that bother you, the small things. Instead, praise her. Tell her how beautiful she is and how wonderful of a partner she is." "Picking" he said is too easy and will break down your partner." The second thing he said was, "Allow you spouse their own pillars. If she wants to do something on her own that you may not see value in, let her. The same will apply to you. If you want to buy season tickets for a favorite team she should let you. Allow each other space to be individuals, which will make your team all the stronger." I sat with him for maybe two hours and I recall his advice all the time.