Surrogate Girlfriend, Do You Have One?

This note is for the fellas, but ladies can learn from this as well.

I have been talking to a lot of my friends about this topic and I think it needs to be addressed.

A lot of you out there have what I call Surrogate Girlfriends.

What is a Surrogate Girlfriend or a SG as I like to call them?

Well, it usually begins when a guy is single. This is the girl"friend" you have that you spends tons of time with doing date like things but never doing "those" date like things. You know, you guys go to the movies, see shows, go to dinner, etc. etc. However, there is no making out. This type of relationship tends to last until you get an actual girlfriend.

Now when you get an actual girlfriend, one of three happens.

First, that girl"friend" respects your new relationship and backs off and you guys spend appropriate time together for two friends who are not dating and not going in that direction.

The second thing that could happen is that girl"friend" has developed feelings for you and gets sad and angry that you didn't pick her so she disappears is never to be heard from again. You and your new lady move on and hopefully live happily ever after.

And the third thing is that your girl"friend" does have feelings for you and sticks around hoping that you have feelings for her. She will still try and keep the same closeness you guys had before. The closeness you should be giving to your new lady. She will cause drama where there is none. She will try and get you to act like her boyfriend even though you are not.

If #3 is the case, you have a SG on your hands.

Many of you, have not really looked at this. You say to yourself and others, "Oh her, she's just going through a lot," or "She's just that way."

No fellas, she wants to be your girlfriend and will subtly sabotage anything new in your life. I have watched this happen time and time again to many good men and good relationships.

Now don't get me wrong, it is always good to have reasonable voices in your life that hold you accountable for actions and to make sure you're not dating a psycho. I'm all for that. That what real friends do. SG's do not do this. They will work to turn all the attention back to them.

As long as you have an SG in your life, you are gonna have real hard time.

Some things to look for:

1. She looks to you for her compliments and to make her feel good about herself (granted there are deeper issues here, but read on.), "Johnny, do you think I'm pretty, attractive, sexy...?" You may want to be the good guy and tell her of course you think she is pretty, attractive, sexy....If you're single this is not so bad, but possibly and probably an indicator of interest. If you are dating someone, there is NO REASON for her to come to you for her "make me feel pretty" fix. You need to focus the "I think you are attractive attention" to the woman you are dating.

2. The need for physical touch. Does she hug you and linger? DOes she rest her head on your shoulder? Does she wanna lay down with you? If you think this is not so bad, ask yourself, "Would I want the girl I'm dating to be laying down with some guy that's "just a friend." Biz Markee knows what he is talking about.

3. She is a little too on board with the new girl you are dating. Does she want to come along on your dates? Does she sings your lady's new praises a little too loud. This all may be here trying to cover for her own feelings and show you how great she, your SG, really is.

4. If #3 is happening, she may then start dropping subtle catty doubt bombs. These are such things as, "Yeah, she's pretty, but I don't think she really got the movie." It starts small, but if you allow these doubt bombs to go off, your SG will build bigger ones. "Like, I think she's too critical of you. I like you just how you are."

5. She will try and spend alone time with you. The SG is crafty. Since you, as a typical guy will do, will be spending a lot of time with your new lady, you will not have as much time for your SG. As it should be. However, your SG will start to find new and creative ways to spend time with you. "I need to find a new car, but I don't want to get taken, so will you come with me?" If you go, she will then try and turn it into a longer event that first intended. She will suggest a meal or another errand she just has to run.
I know you may be saying, that's not what she's trying to do, it's innocent. Fellas, with an SG, nothing
is innocent.

6. She says your too picky about the women you date. What she is really saying is I wish you were dating me. It's that simple.

And ladies, be on the look out for the SB or Surrogate Boyfriend, all this can show up in them too. But today, I'm talking to the fellas.

If you have questions, let me know. If you have a SG, have a talk with her. If that doesn't do it, time to redefine that relationship by cutting her lose. It may sound cold, but it will help you in the long run.